These past few days I have dug myself into a rut of self-pity and misery.
I have driven the one person I have loved the most away from me.
I have allowed the evil one to steal the goodness and love in my life.
I felt like the seeds that fell on the path, and the birds came and ate them up.
“The seed sown on the path is the one
who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it,
and the evil one comes and steals away
what was sown in his heart.”
I thought I was being so high minded and self-righteous.
Deluding myself with highfalutin and pretentious ideas and pseudo reflections.
In the end, I found myself engulf in the webs of my self-delusion.
I was like the seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked me up.
“The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word,
but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word
and it bears no fruit.”
I meant good and I meant well.
But good intentions often blind me to the reality before me.
I thought I was doing right but I was just salving my ego all along.
I was like the seeds that fell on rocky ground,
where they did not have much soil,
and they sprang up quickly, since they had no depth of soil.
But when the sun rose, they were scorched;
and since they had no root, they withered away
“The seed sown on rocky ground
is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy.
But he has no root and lasts only for a time.
When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word,
he immediately falls away.”
It is difficult to be good and so easy to be bad.
For all the good intentions I have, I easily go astray,
into being proud, selfish, self-righteous, self-centered.
And in that self-delusional state of being sanctimonious
I am but an inch away form my perdition.
There but for the grace of God go I.
I hold on to the promise that was given to those who believe:
“Thus says the LORD:
Just as from the heavens
the rain and snow come down
and do not return there
till they have watered the earth,
making it fertile and fruitful,
giving seed to the one who sows
and bread to the one who eats,
so shall my word be
that goes forth from my mouth;
my word shall not return to me void,
but shall do my will,
achieving the end for which I sent it”
Thus, even if I fall and I fail.
I can rise up with God’s grace.
Thus, even if I am like the seeds on rocky ground.
I will struggle to sprout and grow,
Thus, even though tribulations and difficulties come my way,
I will cling to God’s promise.
And holding Him to His promise,
Like the seeds that fell on rich soil,
I will yield a fruitful harvest.
“But the seed sown on rich soil
is the one who hears the word and understands it,
who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirty-fold.”
The seed that falls on good ground will yield a fruitful harvest.