“What are you looking for?”
Jesus asked the two followers of John.
What I am looking has many and different names:
happiness, success, eternal life, salvation,
meaning, significance, contribution, fulfillment.
I realize is there are a lot of gaps in me,
a lot missing in my life,
an emptiness that cries for fulfillment,
a shortage that hungers for fullness,
an absence that earnestly yearns for a certain presence.
There are many things I don’t understand.
There are many things I think I need.
There are many dreams I long for.
Whoever brought me here must have kept a vital part of me
that keeps me looking and searching until I come upon him
who has this missing part.
Saint Augustine, the great Father of the Church and also a big-time sinner,
expressed this angst that he also felt,
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord,
and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”
Then and only then, can I become complete and fulfilled.
And so I am restless until I fully encounter the Lord of the Gaps
and he gives me back my missing part to fill in the gaping emptiness in me.
What do you think is meant by “our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee” because I think I have found the Lord. I am an active church volunteer and member of a religious organization and yet I have many fears in the face of life’s challenges such as health challenges?
My prayer is often for the Lord to still the storms in my heart, tame the tempests in my mind and calm the shakes in my hands. And I often feel like I am talking to a blank wall. Then, I consider my alternatives – the blandishment of wealth, the seduction of fame, the drunkenness of power. And I end up saying along with Peter, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life.” I then remember my moments of peace and quiet with my Lord.