Lost, Bothered and Dumbfounded

Relationships in my life are very important and life-giving:
Links to nature, to people, to God.
There are many links in my life right now that are broken,
damaged, weakened, in need of healing.

On the one hand I can’t seem to get out of the rut
of my own needs, my hurts, my wounds and my pride.
On the other, I am disturbed and troubled
by the growing distance between me and others.

Between the quagmire of excessive self-absorbed unhappiness
over my own troubles and wallowing in it
and the real call for help and understanding from
people who are close and dear to me,
I am at a loss on how to move forward.

I cannot proclaim love and goodness
when I am too lost and absorbed in my own pain and sorrow.
And yet, I cannot just let things stay as they are or get any worse
without me doing something major.

It is very difficult to trust and keep faith
when everything around me seems to be crumbling down.
It is very difficult to find my way ahead
when I seem to be grappling in a dark unending road.

The house of Israel trusts in the Lord.

Jesus went around to all the towns and villages,
teaching in their synagogues,
proclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom,
and curing every disease and illness.
At the sight of the crowds, his heart was moved with pity for them
because they were troubled and abandoned,
like sheep without a shepherd.
Matthew 9:35–37