Surpises and Contradicitons

Life is full of surprises and contradictions. I have come a long way from the small town of Angeles where I grew up to be living in San Jose California now. My journey has been full of surprises. As a young child in Angeles, I could not have imagined where life would eventually lead me. And now that I am here in San Jose, I still find it difficult to believe how I got here. Through every step of the way though, I have always felt a certain presence guiding me.

And the contradictions are just as plentiful as the surprises. In fact, many of the surprises come when I face the contradictions in my life head on. One of our deepest needs as human being is the need to love and be loved. And love is the one experience and emotion that is so full of contradictions. The first step to loving is to realize my inherent uselessness. The world, to be frank, does not need me. But to experience being loved in spite of my uselessness is to realize that I have also an inherent value deeper than my inherent uselessness. That value is the goodness and beauty and truth that is in everyone of us. It is only by stripping away all the accretions we acquire in life that we reach and touch our inner core of being essentially lovable.

And with this realization, I begin to see the contradictions begin springing forth surprises. It is in dying to my old self, that a new me emerges. I do not demand to be loved. I love first and then I am loved in return. It is in the giving of love that I receive it. It is in putting myself last and the others first that I become first in their lives. For indeed how can I find happiness in acquiring everything I desire when that would mean denying these of others? It is in denying myself that I have something to give others and in the giving, be surprised at the bountiful generosity there is in life and in others.

“Lord, help me take up my cross daily not because I enjoy pain and suffering but because it is that crossroad where I meet my fellowmen in our common humanity.”

Jesus said to his disciples:
“If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself
and take up his cross daily and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
What profit is there for one to gain the whole world
yet lose or forfeit himself?”
Luke 9:22-25