My Way, My Choice

Posted on May 3, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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So I have decided to follow him who said,  “I am the way and the truth and the life.”

What if the Christ I believe in was merely a mortal and not a god at all?
I would still choose to follow him for he has shown us a way to live,
devoting his life to serving, saving and satisfying people around him.
He taught the great commandment of love,
which is the only sensible choice in a world gone mad
with irrational pride and insatiable greed.

What if the eternal life he promised does not exist and life indeed ends in death?
would still believe in him because my faith in him has given me
a real taste of heaven on earth.
I think of and am grateful for the family and friends
I have in life who share this belief in him
and have made my life one happy, fulfilling journey.
I would die happy and not mind if there were nothing else after.
Our common belief in Christ have made for many moments of grace and true blessings. But with the gift of Faith, this stoic resignation is transformed
into a joyful expectation of “the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting!”

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Shunning the Prosperity Gospel

Posted on May 2, 2019 by Spirit Moments
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Disturb us, O Lord
when we are too well-pleased with ourselves
when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little,
because we sailed too close to the shore.

In my life journey, I have made the conscious and deliberate effort to follow the way of Christ. I have found strength, inspiration and deep meaning in doing so. In time of difficulties, I found guidance in his words and actions. In times of joy, I understood the reason and source of my blessings.

One thing has bothered me in recent days. I may have been influenced to a significant degree by the Prosperity Gospel. I am sincere in being thankful foe God’s blessings in my life. But sometimes, I catch myself trying to do God’s will and follow his son Jesus in order to be favored by his blessings. I often find myself assuming that my default situation in life is to be so blessed that I would be free of problems and troubles and that all the Lord wanted for me was an easy and comfortable life.

And yet, if I pay close attention to the person I have chosen to follow; I would see and hear a totally different message. He did not promise an easy life for his disciples. In fact, he warned them that they will have to take up the cross, the ultimate symbol of ultimate pain and suffering during those times. He asked his would-be followers to leave everything behind, everything that gave them a sense of security, comfort and certainty. Including family, home, and possessions. He shunned the rich and mingled with the poor. He blessed the weak, the widows, and orphans, the fringes and rejects of society.

When I pray for blessings in terms of an easy and comfortable life for myself and my dear ones, might I not be missing the message and the challenge of Christ? Am I to be blessed with comforts and possessions? Or, am I to be the channel of blessing for others, not getting these blessing myself?

Now that I am being emptied in this latter part of my journey, I need to heed this Gospel of Christ that does not try to do away with pain suffering but rather recognizes its salvific and transformative power in my life.

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Long And Winding

Posted on May 1, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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It’s a long and winding road, this journey of life.
Sometimes, I walk on the mountain top where it is sunny and exhilarating.
Other times, I walk along a stream down in the valley where it is cool and refreshing.
Sometimes there is a fork on the road and I must choose.
Other times there is a happy confluence of paths, serendipitous moments
when people, places and things just come together and the whole universe makes sense.
Sometimes I walk alone, but always there are people along the same path:
walking with me, passing me by, meeting and greeting me,
offering help, friendship and companionship.
Sometimes the path becomes thorny and even dangerous.
Other times there is no path at all and I may feel lost.
But I just need to remember this path and journey is all about what I am meant to be.

It is not always trudging ahead and moving forward,
or even going back or making detours.
It is about uprooting as it is about sinking roots.
An even ongoing rhythm of breaking camp and pitching tent.
I have had much uprooting in my life and I have sunk roots in many places.
It seems that I have broken camp every decade of my life.
And I have itched my tent in the most surprising and exciting places.
Yes, my journey has been both serendipitous and guided/directed.

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My Continuing Journey

Posted on April 30, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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Seven decades and a lot has changed in my life. I have met a lot of wonderful people. And some heels. I have been to many exciting places, now stored in my photo collections. I have experienced amazing moment now kept and cherished in my memories.

And yet, it seems nothing has changed in my life after all these years. It feels like I have been fighting the same devils all the time. My life is not just one journey, but in fact several. Each journey is a quest, each quest a mission, each mission leading to a prized realization.

Alongside my yearning for completion and fulfilment is an on-going struggle between the noble and the ignoble in me: whether I will choose to do good or wallow in mediocrity, to move forward or stagnate where I am. It is the cosmic battle between good and evil. As I go through each journey, which are really phases in my life, there are nuanced changes in what brings me completion and fulfilment as well as who the devils and demons that I face and fight.

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Transitioning

Posted on April 29, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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I struggle these days to return to a regular and meaningful prayer life. The bumps and the detours I have recently encountered in life have derailed what I thought was a deep and sincere relationship with the Lord. Of late, I have been wallowing in my deserts of doubt and sometimes depression.

There was a time, I started the day with prayerful moments, eager to get on it and looking to a full and engaging day: people to meet, decisions to make, projects to complete, event to attend, and making contribution and a difference. Today, I try to pray but there seems to be nothing to pray about or to pray for: no one scheduled to meet with, no weighty decision to make, no people to encourage or motivate. I could choose not to show up and no one will notice the difference nor miss the contribution zi could have made.

I used to pray out of the fullness of my life. Today, I pray from its emptying. I used to be a man of the world, in the world, engaged with the world. Now, I feel like bidding goodbye to all that. I feel like I am being made light for my final journey, as in ‘travel light’. I used to engaged the world in terms of the flesh. Am I now supposed to learn how to engage the world in terms of the spirit.

Am I now in the same situation as Nicodemus when he sought the Lord at night (his dark night of the soul?) and Jesus told him:

“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless one is born of water and Spirit
he cannot enter the Kingdom of God.
What is born of flesh is flesh
and what is born of spirit is spirit.
Do not be amazed that I told you,
‘You must be born from above.’
The wind blows where it wills,
and you can hear the sound it makes,
but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes;
so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

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White Noise

Posted on April 28, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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Anabelle and I were in the US to visit Mihaela, our fourth grandchild. She is so adorable. And what a fortunate baby she is. We were impressed at how hands-on as parents Mickey and Iulia are. I do not remember being as engaged as they are when Anabelle and I were young parents ourselves like they are today.

Among the many things they do, and there are a whole lot of them, for Ela that impressed me is playing background white noise when she is sleeping to help make her sleep more soothing and restful. There is good science behind white noise as a sleep aid.

I remember our own time as young parents with our three baby boys. The only white noise I played for them was the music I loved at a low, subliminal volume: the Beatles, the Sandpipers, light classics, etc. Or, my snoring. Which was either soothing or grating depending on how tired I was that day.

But this white noise thing and sleep got me going back to my own youth. I realized that there were also “white noises” then that lulled me into sleep. And these “white noises” changed according to the seasons. I liked the rainy season the best. The pitter-patter of the rain on the roof was such a soothing sound, sending me to dreamland in no time at all. The pouring rain is the random drops hitting the ground all at different time and different places. Yet, in that randomness, a certain rhythm and faint tune emerges that is simply soporific. It is also during the rainy season that there would be a concert from the frogs in the fields. Even that cacophony somehow lulls me to sleep. I love the gales and the gusts of typhoons. They are like tight embraces that carry me to slumber.

In the cooler months, there is the gentle breeze of the cool northeasterly amihan. It is gentle, soothing, and brings along the memory and ambience that is uniquely Christmas. In the summer, there is the noise and sound of cicadas, crickets and other insects along with the scent of flowers in bloom and trees growing their fruits. I did have white noises lulling me to sleep then.

As it was in the beginning? Is now? And ever shall be? Young people will always be falling in love. They will always eventually decide to spend their lived together. They will have children of their own. And yet, not one couple is ever the repeat of another. I can feel the joy and excitement of Iulia and Mickey over the arrival of Mihaela. I have been there. I have done that. But I cannot try to tell them how to take care of her. Their story is different from mine. And the white noise that lulls Mihaela to sleep? The universe is singing to her a different melody from the one that it used to sing to me.

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Where Is Home?

Posted on April 27, 2019 by Spirit Moments

A room is a still a room, even when there’s nothin’ there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heartimg-33af7d306320b1ff9652553ee6b0e6c6-v

They say home is where the heart is.
Where there is love there is a home,
even when there’s nothing there but gloom
I love going home specially when I have a broken heart
It is where all broken hearts go
A place to heal, to be whole again.

Home is where the heart is
Often people mistake the place where they are born
and grow up to be home
Often it is; but for many it may not be
I love where I was born and grew up
but it is no longer home for me.
In fact, where I was born and grew up no longer exists.
My heart has traveled far and wide
And I found love and home somewhere else.

Home is not a place although I always imagined it to be.
Rather, home is where there is fullness of the heart,
whatever, wherever that may be.

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Early Morning At Home

Posted on April 25, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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My first sunrise back home. Still jet-lagged, I was up at the break of dawn and caught the sun as it was rising from the East.

Home. Home? Where is home?

In recent years, I have been shuttling back and forth between the US and the Philippines, taking up residence in either place for certain amount of time. Are both homes? Is the place where one lives home?

They say that home is where the heart is. I have left my heart in so many places. And I have given my heart to so many people. Are all those places then all my home?

Perhaps home is where one sees himself eventually settling down. And right now, where I am is where I see myself as settling down. And yet, my life has been one journey after another. One uprooting after another, I am not totally discounting the possibility of another uprooting happening, late in my life though it may be.

There is a certain restlessness inside of me that seeks rest. But even as I find rest some place, my heart soon becomes restless again. Is home then where I find rest?

There is no thought more comforting for me the the thought of coming home. Even if home may seem fuzzy to me right now, it comforts me to think of coming home eventually. Even finally.

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A Joyful Fear. Or, A Fearful Joy?

Posted on April 22, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.” ~ Master Yoda

The diametrical opposite of love is not hate but fear. We fear what we do not understand. Uncertainty and the unknown takes us out of our comfort zone and unsettle us. What we are not able to understand and control eventually make us angry, which if we let fester will lead to hatred. With what is happening in the world today, there is a lot of fear. Are we surprised that there is also a lot of hate?

Yet, there is a good kind of fear that is almost holy. The book of Proverbs tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

And the women on that early Sunday morning, upon seeing the empty tomb were also filled with fear, “So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.” 

This is what the disciples must have felt during the first hours and days after the Resurrection. They were still full of human fear because of what had happened to their Master. they were still in hiding and in flight mode. any knock on their doors could be the Roman soldiers looking for them. Slowly, they realized that Christ is risen just as he had promised. Slowly, their human fear became a holy fear. Their sadness and discouragement turns into joyous expectation. Their uncertainty becomes courageous faith in their Risen Lord. From out of their hiding, they come out proclaiming, “The Lord is Risen!”

This fear with great joy is what I feel when my fondest dreams are coming true. I pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. I tremble with excitement and, yes, with fear, not sure this is all happening to me. This is the Risen Lord making his presence felt in my ordinary life. The Resurrection, with its joyful fear (or, is it fearful joy?), is my guaranty that something awesome is bound to break out in my life.

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Easter Ennui?

Posted on April 22, 2019 by Spirit Moments

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Of late, some many things seem to be going wrong in so many places and among so many people, including myself. There is a feeling of lingering malaise in me but I am not really sad. With things going wrong, there is so much uncertainty and it seems like things can come ahead any time now and just blow up. I am worried but not really afraid. I try to see the brighter side of things but nothing seems to work. I am frustrated that something could and must be done but aren’t. But I am not really angry.

I was living just for the moment, living from one disappointment and frustration to the next one. Spiritual writers have always advised to live in the NOW. I do; but that is all I am holding to. No past to infuse meaning to my present. No future to to spur me to courageous and inspired action. I am here, unfeeling and uncaring what will happen next. Fr. Johnny Go captured what I was going through in his Easter reflections: I was losing hope.

Easter is a timely reminder that we are an Easter People, living in hope and secure in the belief that we have been saved. This faith is not about feeling good and feeling high. It is about choosing to listen to the Risen Lord. And his resurrection is out guarantee.

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