I struggle these days to return to a regular and meaningful prayer life. The bumps and the detours I have recently encountered in life have derailed what I thought was a deep and sincere relationship with the Lord. Of late, I have been wallowing in my deserts of doubt and sometimes depression.

There was a time, I started the day with prayerful moments, eager to get on it and looking to a full and engaging day: people to meet, decisions to make, projects to complete, event to attend, and making contribution and a difference. Today, I try to pray but there seems to be nothing to pray about or to pray for: no one scheduled to meet with, no weighty decision to make, no people to encourage or motivate. I could choose not to show up and no one will notice the difference nor miss the contribution zi could have made.

I used to pray out of the fullness of my life. Today, I pray from its emptying. I used to be a man of the world, in the world, engaged with the world. Now, I feel like bidding goodbye to all that. I feel like I am being made light for my final journey, as in ‘travel light’. I used to engaged the world in terms of the flesh. Am I now supposed to learn how to engage the world in terms of the spirit.

Am I now in the same situation as Nicodemus when he sought the Lord at night (his dark night of the soul?) and Jesus told him:

“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless one is born of water and Spirit
he cannot enter the Kingdom of God.
What is born of flesh is flesh
and what is born of spirit is spirit.
Do not be amazed that I told you,
‘You must be born from above.’
The wind blows where it wills,
and you can hear the sound it makes,
but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes;
so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

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