The Bypass

Posted on November 30, 2015 by Spirit Moments

I had a CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) operation last August 19. I was a bit apprehensive about the procedure but I was not afraid as I had confidence in the skills and competence of my doctors. As I was lying on the gurney waiting to be wheeled into the operating room, I closed my eyes and said some prayers, entrusting myself into the hands of God. I was calm and composed fully trusting that God would be with me every step of the way.

My doctors worked on me for the entire morning. By late afternoon, I was already in the ICU when I awoke from my anesthesia-induced sleep. I felt all the contraptions connected to my body. I tried counting all the tubes, catheters, and wires inserted into me. There were at least fifteen I was aware of. As I looked through my bleary eyes, I could see my doctors around me. And with them was my entire family. I managed a smile to my loved ones and a “Thank you.” to my doctors. But I was so groggy, I was soon dozing back to sleep.

I imagined my bypass operation as something similar to a passover – a passing over from illness to health, from suffering to comfort. I prayed and offered up the pains I was feeling up to God. That He transforms them into grace and blessings for me, my loved ones and anyone who might need someone to bear the pain for them. I was hoping my operation would be both a physical and a religious experience.

The next time I became woke up and became conscious, the anesthesia has begun to wear off. I started feeling the pain of the incision on my chest, the discomfort from all the tubes and wires in my body, the immobility of being in bed. I prayed for the strength to be able to bear the pain. It did not come. I prayed that my pain would be bearable and offered it up so that it would help relieve the pain suffered by others, specially my loved ones. That did not work. It did not ease my pain nor did it relieve the suffering of others. I prayed that sleep would come again and I would be consoled by comforting dreams. But sleep would not come and the pain killers given to me made me hallucinate instead. Everything was just turning around.

The pain was so constantly severe but specially so on the fifth and sixth day when I was transferred from the ICU to a regular room. I prayed that God would give me a sign that He was with me but there was only silence from Him. In my pain, I cried that if I had known this bypass operation would be this painful, I would have chosen not to go through it anymore.

After a while, I noticed that the pain was not only physically but it was also wreaking havoc on my emotions and melting away my faith and trust in God. I cried out to Him but He was silent all throughout my stay in the hospital. In fact, he was not even there with me. What I had hoped to be a religious and liberating passover experience has become an ordeal that is mightily shaking my faith in God.

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The Road to Recovery

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Spirit Moments

P1420420November 14 could have been just an ordinary day. But today it is forever etched in my memory because I woke up to the news of the bombings and deaths in Paris.

How can some people be so filled with hatred to intentionally kill and harm people? Why is the knee jerk reaction of many to seek revenge and hit back? How can some people be so overcome with fear as to surrender and give up in the face of such atrocity? Why are there people who are so strong and noble of character as to be able to act out of love and talk of forgiveness and understanding during times like this?

I did not have an answer to my questions. I did not have an answer to the absurdity of the situation.

Later that day, we participated in a Marian celebration honoring Mary as Patroness of Pampanga under her title of Virgen de los Remedios. From all over the Bay Area, devotees – most of them Kapampangans – came to honor and thank the Blessed Virgin Mary. They came in faith and in gratitude, acknowledging that the God who chose a simple girl to be the mother of the Christ is also active in their lives and in their here-and-now.

How can people so immersed in a secular environment have such faith that is unyielding and so devoted? What happened in their lives that they want to hand down their faith experience to those who are closest to their hearts? Why would these people cling to a hope that is often derided and made fun of by those deemed to be successful and powerful by the world?

I did not have any answers to these questions. i did not have any explanation for the faith of those who came.

I was there with my whole family – all three generations of us. I went because I was one of the organizers. I did not have the faith and the hope of those fervent devotees. Neither was I still depressed nor gloomy about the events in Paris. But there I was straddled between what was happening in the world and what was happening in the small world of my immediate family. Paris was a tragedy. And yet, when I saw the fervor and seriousness of my grandchildren as we crowned Mary as our Patroness, I knew there was a Spirit moving in the world that  inspires goodness in people; that enables us to choose love and forgiveness over hatred and revenge; that moves us towards hope and creativity  instead of despair and destructiveness.

I realized that in the ordinariness of my daily existence, there is hidden the seeds of meaning and purpose, of light, of life and of love.

I am coming back.

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The God of the Impossible

Posted on August 18, 2015 by Spirit Moments

My God is the God of the impossible.

Abraham and Sarah were advanced in age when he was promised a son and that he would become the father of a great nation. And yet, it came to pass as promised by God to Abraham.

Moses stuttered and was afraid of speaking in public. He thought it impossible that he could stand up to the Pharaoh. And yet, he did deliver God’s messages to him until he let the people of Israel go.

Many of those called by God to be judges, prophets and kings of His people Israel deemed themselves unworthy of the call. They were either the lowliest, the youngest, the unschooled, the unlettered, the poor, the outcasts. And yet, it was through these improbable choices that God accomplished the impossible for His people.

Mary was told that she wold bear a son. She downright said that this was impossible since she was a virgin. And yet, she did bear a son and called Him Jesus – the Son of the Most High.

Jesus gathered around him a motley crowd of fishermen and ordinary folks to send out and proclaim the Kingdom of God. And they surprised even themselves at what they were able to accomplish in Jesus’ name.

If someone had told me as a young the story of my life. I would have said “Impossible!” And yet, my life has taken so many impossible turns, it could only be because God is actively involved and active in my life.

Yes, with God nothing is impossible.

The Lord speaks of peace to his people.
~ Psalm 85
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich
to enter the Kingdom of heaven.
Again I say to you,
it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle
than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.”
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said,
“Who then can be saved?”
Jesus looked at them and said,
“For men this is impossible,
but for God all things are possible.”
Then Peter said to him in reply,
“We have given up everything and followed you.
What will there be for us?”
Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you
that you who have followed me, in the new age,
when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory,
will yourselves sit on twelve thrones,
judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters
or father or mother or children or lands
for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more,
and will inherit eternal life.
But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.”
Matthew 19:23-30
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Do! Not Just Don’t.

Posted on August 17, 2015 by Spirit Moments

For most people, keeping the commandments is relatively easy. There is a lot of killing these days but the number of murderers is but a small percentage of the population. Most people do not go around killing others. There is a lot of theft, both petty and serious; but most people respect the property of others. There is a lot of infidelity, both casual and habitual; but there are more marriages and partnerships that work than those that do not. There is a lot of lying, specially among politicians and businessmen, but honesty and truth are still universal values for men.

It is the doing good where the challenge is. There would be less stealing if there were more people who’d be willing to share. There would be less fighting and killing if there people were more open and willing to care. There would be less sleeping around if people had more love and faithfulness to their vows. There would be more truth and honesty if people showed more respect to one another and valued each person’s worth and dignity.

If we can just DO and not just DON’T, then we can have the beginnings of heaven here on earth.

Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.
~ Psalm 106
A young man approached Jesus and said,
“Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”
He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good?
There is only One who is good.
If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
He asked him, “Which ones?”
And Jesus replied, “You shall not kill;
you shall not commit adultery;
you shall not steal;
you shall not bear false witness;
honor your father and your mother;
and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
The young man said to him,
“All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?”
Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go,
sell what you have and give to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven.
Then come, follow me.”
When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad,
for he had many possessions.
Matthew 19:16-22
 
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Taste And See The Presence

Posted on August 16, 2015 by Spirit Moments

P1410349

“Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.” sounds like a sweet and tender way to express my relationship with God. “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood
has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day.” promises me something I can really look forward to (eternal life) but the conditions may seem repulsive. Then, it becomes even more gross, “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him.” 

Christ gave people everything their hearts desired: He fed the hungry, gave drink to the thirsty, the sick He healed, the afflicted He comforted, the small people and the downtrodden He uplifted, the outcasts He gathered and He even raised up dead people. And then He promised that he can make all of this last forever. For that to happen, we must be one with Him. To be one with Him, we must take Him into our lives literally and physically – that is eat His flesh and drink His blood. For many that was a hard saying to accept and the gospels say, these people stopped following Him because of these words.

Indeed, it is hard saying. But there are many things I do not understand but still experience, the biggest of which is my life itself. How can I explain why I am even here, where there is no compelling reason why? And yet I experience life, its beauty, the love I receive and able to give, the people around me and their caring. I look at nature and there is a certain order and beauty that is difficult to explain or even understand. But it is right there for me to experience and to enjoy.

Of late, I have this unexplainable feeling of things falling perfectly into place. I shall be undergoing a major surgery in two days. I have kept it quiet and shared it only with my immediate family and a few friends. But things have just been falling into place piece by piece. The things that bothered me or have been making me anxious are being resolved one by one. There is a certain Presence that is with me, holding my hand and guiding me what to do next. Some are obvious and logical. Others are purely serendipitous, out of my control, and yet all happening at the perfect time and in the perfect place.

I can indeed taste and see the goodness of the Lord. Some things I do not really understand like eating the flesh and drinking the blood. But the Presence (“You will remain in me and I in you.”) that was promised to those who do so, I can truly feel.

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
~ Psalm 34
Jesus said to the crowds:
“I am the living bread that came down from heaven;
whoever eats this bread will live forever;
and the bread that I will give
is my flesh for the life of the world.”
The Jews quarreled among themselves, saying,
“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”
Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood,
you do not have life within you.
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood
has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day.
For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood
remains in me and I in him.
Just as the living Father sent me
and I have life because of the Father,
so also the one who feeds on me
will have life because of me.
This is the bread that came down from heaven.
Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died,
whoever eats this bread will live forever.”
John 6:51-58
 
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Confessing the Magnificat

Posted on August 15, 2015 by Spirit Moments
Prayer 15a

One very Catholic practice is confessing one’s sins to a priest. It can also be a very intimidating and frightening experience. Imagine telling another man all your sins and asking for forgiveness. Many keep away from this sacrament because of such apprehensions, specially if the only available priests is someone they know personally. It takes a lot of courage, humility and strength of character to be able to go to confession in such cases.

Recently, I learned something new and different about this sacrament that has made it easier and a more meaningful experience. This sacrament is about meeting Christ, who wants to give me His love and forgiveness more than He wants to hear my sins. Confession, therefore, is just a small part about confessing my sins and a bigger part about confessing God’s forgiveness and love for me.

This is also what I learn from Mary’s Magnificat. She confesses her lowliness, her unworthiness and her weakness before the Lord. And then she goes beyond that and confesses the great things that the Lord has done for her. She proclaims the greatness of the Lord, how He has filled her life with goodness and fullness. He takes someone or something small and makes it blessed for all eternity.

And so it is in my life. I know I am a sinner, full of weakness and even iniquity. And I confess that. And yet, in spite of my sinfulness, my lowliness, my weaknesses, He has done great things for me, liberally sprinkling my life and my journey with blessings, signs and wonders too numerous and too marvelous to enumerate. I confess God’s great love for me and His unending readiness to forgive all my sins and shortcomings. I will never be as pure as Mary. But I can join her in her joy and her confession of God’s great love and forgiveness for sinners like me.

The queen stands at your right hand, arrayed in gold.
~ Psalm 45
Mary set outand traveled to the hill country in haste
to a town of Judah,where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting,
the infant leaped in her womb,
and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit,
cried out in a loud voice and said,
“Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb.
And how does this happen to me,
that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,
the infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled.”
And Mary said:

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Mary remained with her about three months
and then returned to her home.
Luke 1:39-56

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Communions of Love

Posted on August 14, 2015 by Spirit Moments

My faith teaches me that it is for love that there is the world. And one of the greatest expressions of this love is when “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  I have always seen this union of marriage as a communion of love, a visible and physical expression of God’s creative love. Thus, marriage is first and foremost a communion of love.

And if marriage is a mirror of God’s creative love, then it should also always be open to procreation. Thus, “The Creator made them male and female.”  And the sexual act is the most pleasurable expression and consummation of this communion of love. There are couples who cannot have children because of some physical defects. Theirs is still a communion of love.

There are other communions of love possible. There are those who renounce marriage and live together in communities as communions of love. These are the religious communities who forsake the pleasures of sex but still live in a communion of love with others.

Can two men or two women live together in a communion of love. Yes, and I have seen it happen in real life. I have witnessed more love in homo couples’ families than in some hetero couples’ families I know. But I have a problem calling this communion of love a marriage as it is not procreative. In the same manner, I have a problem calling a marriage the union of a man and a woman but who fully aware make the conscious decision not to have children. This sounds to me denying the very love that is the basis of their marriage.

It is good these things are talked about and discussed. I welcome all communions of love and their myriad expressions, traditional, conventional, unconventional. The union of a man and a woman is one such communion of love and it is called marriage or matrimony. There are those who live as celibates and in communities and build communions of love and these are the priests and the religious orders. Same-sex unions can also be communions of love. But I do not know what or how to call them. And we need to reflect on how the Church can bless and care for such unions.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his mercy endures forever.
~ Psalm 136
Some Pharisees approached Jesus, and tested him, saying,
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?”
He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning
the Creator made them male and female and said,
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”
They said to him, “Then why did Moses command
that the man give the woman a bill of divorce and dismiss her?”
He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts
Moses allowed you to divorce your wives,
but from the beginning it was not so.
I say to you, whoever divorces his wife
(unless the marriage is unlawful)
and marries another commits adultery.”
His disciples said to him,
“If that is the case of a man with his wife,
it is better not to marry.”
He answered, “Not all can accept this word,
but only those to whom that is granted.
Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so;
some, because they were made so by others;
some, because they have renounced marriage
for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.
Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.”
Matthew 19:3-12
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Awed By the Perseids

Posted on August 13, 2015 by Spirit Moments

Last night, we went up the hills of the Diablo Range in Morgan Hill to watch the Perseids meteor shower. It was totally dark but the place was full of cars and people. We laid out a blanket and laid down to watch the night sky. The Perseids did not disappoint. In a span of thirty minutes, I counted twelve meteors streaking through the night sky.

I got more than I bargained or hoped for. As I watched the heavens waiting for the next meteor to zoom by, I got more and more entranced by the stars and the Milky Way. Because it was a moonless night, there were more stars than I remember seeing in a long time now. And the longer I stared out into the vast expanse of space, the more stars there were to see. Soon, I can easily see the nebulous whiteness that was the Milky Way. The milkiness is not due to some diffused light from the stars but it was actually the layers upon layers of stars that make up our galaxy. It boggles my mind just to think that there are more stars out there than there are grains of sand in all the world.

As I felt the ground beneath my back, I felt a oneness with the earth under me and with all the stars above me and with all the nature that embraced me in the night. I am but one tiny creature in this planet. And this planet is but a tiny speck in our galaxy. And the Milky Way is but one of a billion galaxies. All those stars too have planets revolving around them. In the vastness of all those numbers, there must be other planets that have intelligent life forms like us; that we are not alone in this universe. It is an awesome thought.

And yet, improbable as it might seem, is it really the height of conceit to believe that our species is one of a kind in the whole universe or is this the reality? After all the billions of years the universe has been around, there should be more sentient beings like us. And we should already have been in contact with them by now. In the face of all these probabilities and impossibilities, I stare at the night sky in wondering amazement and the Desiderata comes to mind:

“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

Lying there on the grass and staring at the sky, I felt one with everything and everyone around me. And I felt also why I am different. The stars are fixed in the skies above me. The earth has its own assigned position. The living things around cannot but go by their instincts. man alone in all of creation has been endowed with freedom. Even taking what some scientists may say, it is still a fact that I can make choices and can go where I decide to go. And ironically, it is this freedom that often breaks and destroys my oneness with the rest of creation and the other creatures around me.

And man alone had the power to restore the oneness once it is broken. Man can choose to forgive and the oneness is restored. Man’s freedom allows him to give and receive forgiveness; and in forgiveness, exercise atonement for sins and transgressions. Through forgiveness and atonement (at-one-ment), oneness among men and in creation is restored.

Tremble, earth, before the Lord, before the God of Jacob.
~ Psalm 114
Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
“Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive him?
As many as seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-19:1
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Jesus CEO

Posted on August 12, 2015 by Spirit Moments

A few years back, there was a book that was staple in many managers’ reading list – Jesus CEO: Using Ancient Wisdom for Visionary Leadership by Laurie Beth Jones. Indeed, the teachings of Jesus are not only an antidote to the rampant greed, pride and selfishness in today’s business environment but, when taken to heart and earnestly practiced, these can also serve as principles for effective management practices and visionary leadership.

Today’s gospel admonition to settle conflicts and differences first just between the parties involved; if that fails, to bring in a small group of two or three others to help out; and it that fails, to bring the matter before the community. This approach calls to mind the Catholic social principle of subsidiarity, “that matters ought to be handled by the smallest, lowest or least centralized competent authority.” In the ASEAN, one organizing principle that has guided this group has been to “think globally, strategize regionally, act locally.”

In today’s business environment, companies aim to grow their business by maintaining excellent relationships with their customers and clients. Christ said, “where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Presence is the first requisite to a relationship.

These companies promote their customer relationship by providing superior products and services. This reminds me of Christ’s call to love and serve others. And Christ has other tips for unbeatable customer service, like going the extra mile, sowing good seeds, turning the other cheek.

Indeed, Jesus CEO.

Blessed be God who filled my soul with fire!
~ Psalm 66
Jesus said to his disciples:
“If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
If he does not listen,
take one or two others along with you,
so that every fact may be established
on the testimony of two or three witnesses.
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the Church.
If he refuses to listen even to the Church,
then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
Amen, I say to you,
whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven,
and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again, amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.”
Matthew 18:15-20
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Bless The Children

Posted on August 11, 2015 by Spirit Moments

To be a child is to live in a world of possibilities and enchanting reality. Dragons, fairies, wizards, and talking animals are as real and as commonplace as dragonflies, dolls, toys and endless games. To be a child is to see all the colors and sounds often lost on or unheard by adults.

To be an adult is to live in a world of problems and impossibilities. What could go wrong, what could have been done, what more could be asked for – these are what adults think and anguish about. In the end, adults realize that these are all transitory and even ephemeral; and that the dragons, fairies, wizards and talking animals in a child’s world are more real than their imagined troubles and problems.

To a child, a word is reality. Call a little girl a princess and she is one. Tell a little boy he is a ninja and he begins acting like one. For adults, words are for hiding the truth and for confusing reality. They speak of love and yet their actions say another thing. They speak of justice and yet their lives are the exact opposite.

Adults love to speak of the wisdom of their age. But I think there is greater wisdom in the innocence and even naïveté of children.

The disciples approached Jesus and said,
“Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?”
He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said,
“Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,
you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.
Whoever becomes humble like this child
is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.
And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.
Matthew 18:1-5,
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