Lessons Not Too Late For The Learning

One of the greatest blessings in my life is being married to Anabelle. At its best, it is indeed a bed of roses: soft, sweetly-scented, comfortable and colorful. there have been bad times as well when the thorns tear at the flesh and cause pain and even the shedding of some blood. But everyday, there is the reassuring presence that is always there: at night, a warmth to hug on to; during the day, a certain busyness that gets things done; in moments to sadness, comforting hand to hold on to; in times of joy, a laughter that heartens; in boredom, someone to do random things with; and in all of these, someone to share the journey and the adventure with.

This morning, I realized that prayer can be like that too. At its best, my prayer time are moments of peace, inspiration, assurance, and affirmation. It is often the best part of my day. But there are times, I have to pull myself up just to do it. There is aridity, doubt and a nagging thought of why am I doing this anyway. But as I struggle in constant prayer, it has meant knowing myself better, seeing the events in my life from a wider and deeper perspective, being awed by the blessings that have come and continue to pour into my life, nurturing the awareness in me that there is Someone that care for me deeply in a way that no other can and in ways that are often too wondrous for me to begin to explain.

I could have married another and so could have Anabelle. But the fact is she is in my life and I cannot at this point imagine my life any other way. And, as hackneyed as it may sound, I would have it no other way. And that is the way the Person I pray to every morning has fashioned it out to be. A seed stays a seed unless it is planted in the ground, where it dies and rot to blossom into a  plant. Simple and uncomplicated and yet nothing is more complex than new life sprouting out of a tiny grain. A life like a bed of roses, complete with the thorns. Prayers that are reassuring but often spoken out with doubts and questions. Seeds that have to die first to give a harvest a hundredfold. I only need to stop, listen and be inspired by these deepest truths that are right there before my eyes and indeed lessons not too late for the learning.

Blessed the man who is gracious and lends to those in need.
~ Psalm 112
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
Whoever loves his life loses it,
and whoever hates his life in this world
will preserve it for eternal life.
Whoever serves me must follow me,
and where I am, there also will my servant be.
The Father will honor whoever serves me.”
John 12:24-26
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Standing On The Edge Of Eternity

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When it comes to human relationships; I have learned that if something is too good to be true, it is most probably not true. Scammers who promise unbelievable returns on your investments are promising you bubbles that will burst into nothing. Beware of politicians who would promise heaven on earth; for they will only deliver you to hell. Be wary of sweet-tongued and glib talking people for they are probably nothing but hot air.

When it comes to my relationship with God, I have learned that if somethng is too impossible to be true, it is most likely to be true. Sarah chuckled when she heard God telling Abraham she will have a child in spite of her old age. But she did. So did Elizabeth. When told by the angel that she will bear a child, Mary demurred that she knew no man. But the angel said nothing is impossible with God. And she did bear a child.

Christ promised and asked for many impossible things of His disciples: eternal life, resurrection, eat His body, drink His blood, carry the cross daily, be the last in order to be the first, die in order to live forever. He must either be a cheat, a charlatan, a conman, or a congenital liar. In the end, He was crucified as a criminal because of all the impossible things He was talking about. But He could not have been a cheat because He delivered what He promised. He was not a charlatan because he backed up his words with visible signs and actions. He was not a conman because he was willing to die for what He said and did. He was not a liar because He did exactly what He said He would do even if it meant His dying on the cross.

Standing before the ocean, one can get overwhelmed by its vastness and it immensity. Yet, I see but a small portion of the entire ocean. The ocean is nothing compared to the universe. Men have always looked up into the skies and have never seen its edges. They have looked back in time and never seen its beginning. If time and space seem so limitless, imagine a reality that is beyond time and space. That is the eternity Christ has promised us.

In this vastness, there is no special reason that I should be here. In the billions of probabilities that I should be here, it is well nigh impossible that I could even exist. And yet, here I am. The beating of my heart throbs and pulses with the rest of the universe. There is one throbbing and one pulsation that permeates everything there is and we are all but the echoes of that one divine heartbeat. The Divine Heartbeat is not some inanimate principle that animates the universe. He is a person who calls me into an encounter with Him. And he revealed Himself in the person of Jesus. Not that anyone has seen the Father except the one who is from God; he has seen the Father.”

Christ reveals all of these truths and this reality to us.

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
~ Psalm 34
The Jews murmured about Jesus because he said,
“I am the bread that came down from heaven, ”
and they said,
“Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph?
Do we not know his father and mother?
Then how can he say,
‘I have come down from heaven’?”
Jesus answered and said to them,
“Stop murmuring among yourselves.
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draw him,
and I will raise him on the last day.
It is written in the prophets:
They shall all be taught by God.
Everyone who listens to my Father and learns from him comes to me.
Not that anyone has seen the Father
except the one who is from God;
he has seen the Father.
Amen, amen, I say to you,
whoever believes has eternal life.
I am the bread of life.
Your ancestors ate the manna in the desert, but they died;
this is the bread that comes down from heaven
so that one may eat it and not die.
I am the living bread that came down from heaven;
whoever eats this bread will live forever;
and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.”
John 6:41-51
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My Little Faith

I am a man of little faith. I do not have a faith that can move mountains. And the little I have is sometimes so fragile I am often beset by so many questions and doubts.

I have always believed that my life is led. There is a hand that holds me and brings me where He will. For how else can I explain or understand what or who brought me from the little town I was born in to where and who I am today. Doubts. Questions.

I know that I am loved. There is nothing I had wished for nor dreamed of that did not happen in my life. I said in my youth that a loving wife, two wonderful kids, good books to read, beautiful music to listen to, and scrumptious food to share with family and friends – these would make life perfect for me. All these I have had and more. What other signs of love do I need? And yet. Doubts. Questions.

I know that I am called to truth and goodness. I have worked for myself but I have always worked for the good of others. I have not always been honest and truthful but I have often agonized about being a person of integrity. I may have failed sometimes but I have always tried to good and truthful. Still. Doubts. Questions.

I am a very sensual person. I love to see beautiful sights and beautiful people. I love to hear uplifting music and inspiring stories. I love the smell of freshness in the morning and the languid laziness of the end of the day, specially after the rains. I love to taste the different flavors of food upon my tongue, from addicting sweetness to pungent spiciness to  piquant saltiness. Thus, I want to see and hear and smell and taste and touch the God I believe in. But my senses fail me. Then the Doubts. And the Questions.

Maybe my senses were not meant to be the tools for my encountering God? In prayer, i shut out all my senses and then the encounter happens? Questions. Doubts. And then dimly, Faith. Through the glass, darkly.

I love you, Lord, my strength.
~ Psalm 18
A man came up to Jesus, knelt down before him, and said,
“Lord, have pity on my son, who is a lunatic and suffers severely;
often he falls into fire, and often into water.
I brought him to your disciples, but they could not cure him.”
Jesus said in reply,
“O faithless and perverse generation, how long will I be with you?
How long will I endure you?
Bring the boy here to me.”
Jesus rebuked him and the demon came out of him,
and from that hour the boy was cured.
Then the disciples approached Jesus in private and said,
“Why could we not drive it out?”
He said to them, “Because of your little faith.
Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed,
you will say to this mountain,
‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Matthew 17:14-20
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The Divine Scintilla in Me

The Exodus was a central event in the history of Israel. It was the experience of their flight from Egypt and their forty years in the desert that shaped them as a nation. But what if they were not really liberated from their slavery in Egypt but instead were expelled because they were becoming too many to feed and to unruly to rule? What if they were not led in the desert by the signs and wonders of God’s presence but were literally lost in the wilderness until they chanced upon the fertile lands of Canaan?

Two thousand years later, a man comes from the wilderness after spending forty days in the desert and begins proclaiming the Kingdom of God. He gathers many and they follow Him. The crowds began to become too many and too unruly it got the authorities worried. And they have this man crucified. The cross is a the supreme penalty reserved for the worst criminals; but this man transforms it into the sign of victory and of His divinity. The cross becomes the symbol of a new life that gives countless people the courage, bravery and heroism to live lives dedicated to love.

Another thousand years later, I sit here wondering, was God really at work among the Israelites during the time of the Exodus or did they just all make it up? Was God really incarnated in Christ or was that all simply symbols and myth? Hard questions and difficult to answer. As many of the things I see around me pose hard questions which are difficult to answer.

In quantum physics, an observed particle changes its “behavior” in response to an observer. Can’t I change the reality around me through my mind and my thoughts? The Israelites in the desert did. Jesus during His life did. I shut down all the noise around me and there is still a voice I hear deep within me. I shut out all the light around me and there is still a light that shines deep within me. I keep still and keep quiet and I can feel the beating of my heart; but there is another beat that throbs within me. I know that throbbing is the scintilla of my origin, a trace from my Creator. It is the same spark that led the Israelites in the desert and the same Spirit that inspired and indwelled in Jesus.

I remember the deeds of the Lord.
~ Psalm 77
Jesus said to his disciples,
“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,
take up his cross, and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world
and forfeit his life?
Or what can one give in exchange for his life?
For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory,
and then he will repay each according to his conduct.
Amen, I say to you, there are some standing here
who will not taste death
until they see the Son of Man coming in his Kingdom.”
Matthew 16:24-28
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Phenomenal

I am currently finishing up reading a most wonderful book, Phenomenal: A Hesitant Adventurer’s Search for Wonder in the Natural World by Leigh Ann Henion. She writes about seven amazing natural wonders from different parts of the world: the monarch butterfly migration in Mexico, the bioluminescence in Puerto Rico, the Catutumbo lightning in Venezuela, the volcanic eruptions in Hawaii, the northern lights in Sweden, the great migration in the Serengeti in Tanzania, a total solar eclipse in Australia.

Admittedly not a very religious person, Leigh Ann found herself simply in awe and in total wonderment in the face of these phenomenal sights. She experienced a certain connectedness to an ineffable force that makes all life, all beauty and all awesomeness possible in the most impossible of places and times. She knew there was something, or even Someone, greater than what was before her eyes that created and put all of these in this world. The world is much richer and more magnificent than our feeble minds can imagine or our limited words can describe. Standing before such ineffable beauty, one simply feels and acknowledges the Source of it all.

I can only surmise this is as close as I can understand what Peter, James, and John must have felt at the Transfiguration.  In the face of the ineffable, I humbly pray, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here!”

The Lord is king, the Most High over all the earth.
~ Psalm 97

Jesus took Peter, James, and his brother John,
and led them up a high mountain apart by themselves.
And he was transfigured before them,
and his clothes became dazzling white,
such as no fuller on earth could bleach them.
Then Elijah appeared to them along with Moses,
and they were conversing with Jesus.
Then Peter said to Jesus in reply,
“Rabbi, it is good that we are here!
Let us make three tents:
one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”
He hardly knew what to say, they were so terrified.
Then a cloud came, casting a shadow over them;
from the cloud came a voice,
“This is my beloved Son. Listen to him.”
Suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone
but Jesus alone with them.
As they were coming down from the mountain,
he charged them not to relate what they had seen to anyone,
except when the Son of Man had risen from the dead.
So they kept the matter to themselves,
questioning what rising from the dead meant.
Mark 9:2-10
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Crumbs From The Master’s Table

Scientists believe that the entire universe originated from the big bang of a primordial particle. Beyond that, they cannot explain how the vastness of the universe could have come from just one tiny particle – like, how everything that exists came out of practically nothing.

As a believer, I believe that God in His infinite omnipotence created everything out of nothing by simply saying “Let there be light!” and there was the big bang. I believe that out of all the cosmic debris and stardust, He eventually fashioned out men, creating them into beings that give a glimpse of what and who He is.

A mother, desperate for a cure for her daughter tormented by a demon/disease, cries out for help to an outsider, an itinerant preacher passing through their town. In fact, the man’s disciples wanted Him to send her away. But with great faith, she cries out to the man and asks but for the crumbs of His attention. And she is richly rewarded. The same power that created human beings out of debris and dust brings healing and wholeness to a sick child out of the crumbs from the master’s table.

The leap of faith is always a big jump. The earth has been around a few billions of years before human beings came to be. The earth will probably be around a few more billion years. And I wonder if men would still be around by then. My finite mind cannot fully grasp all that reality. But my believing heart knows that after this finite life on earth, I will live in infinity with my Creator. I do not know how or why or where. That is up to God to determine and make possible.

Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.
~ Psalm 106
At that time Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out,
“Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David!
My daughter is tormented by a demon.”
But he did not say a word in answer to her.
His disciples came and asked him,
“Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.”
He said in reply,
“I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”
But the woman came and did him homage, saying, “Lord, help me.”
He said in reply,
“It is not right to take the food of the children
and throw it to the dogs.”
She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps
that fall from the table of their masters.”
Then Jesus said to her in reply,
“O woman, great is your faith!
Let it be done for you as you wish.”
And her daughter was healed from that hour.
Matthew 15:21-28
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Praying For Priests and Pastors

IMG_0041Today is the feast day of St. john Vianney, the Cure d’ Ars and the patron saint of parish priests. He was a simple man, who barely made it through his priestly studies because he had difficulties with Latin. He would spend 12-16 hours in the confessional box, hearing confessions bringing healing and forgiveness to literally thousands of troubled souls. And he spent hours more in prayer.

Today I think and pray for my many priest friends – “selected from among the people and is appointed to represent the people in matters related to God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins.”

It is touching how priests are always welcome into homes and families, even those they are meeting for the first time. It is also remarkable how priests keep showing up in all the important events in our lives: weddings and anniversaries, births and birthdays, deaths and funerals, and all the sad and happy occasions in between. More spirits are healed and made whole again in the confessional than on psychiatrists’ couches. More disputes and quarrels are settled before priests than before judges. More lives are changed and renewed by priests than by political leaders.

And yet, it can be a lonely life. In the midst of all the celebrations, the priest is aware that he is dedicated to God and God alone. In the midst of all the busyness, the priest knows that he must be about the Father’s business. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle, the priest is called to a life of solitary prayer – alone with God. Yes, the life of a priest is storm and the greatest storm he has to face is the storm of loneliness. I think of and pray for my priest-friends. May they always hear the Lord’s words, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Because he belongs to a community, the life of a priest can also be full of people. The other storm a priest faces is being overwhelmed by the people in his life: all those people asking for help, all those people seeking his attention, all those people wanting his favor, all that clamor and all that noise. There is always the temptation of believing solely in one’s talents rather than in God’s handiwork in the good he is doing. There is the blandishment of the power he enjoys in people’s lives. There is the addiction to all the adulation and attention he receives from people. When inundated by all that, I pray that they find the time and the strength to “go up on the mountain by himself to pray.”

I pray for priests that the Lord  bless them with dedication and perseverance in their priestly vows. Priests take on the vows of obedience and celibacy. May they always humbly surrender to the will of the Father, expressed in the words of their superiors. May they remain faithful to their pledge of total dedication and devotion to the Church and to no other. Some priests also take on the vows to poverty and chastity. I pray that they continue to witness faithfully to us and show that there is another lifestyle possible than the all too prevalent choices of greed and selfishness we witness in the rat race; that there is another option than the all too common choice of self-seeking pleasure and hedonistic gratification so prevalent in today’s materialistic culture.

Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
~ Psalm 51
Jesus made the disciples get into a boat
and precede him to the other side of the sea,
while he dismissed the crowds.
After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.
When it was evening he was there alone.
Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore,
was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it.
During the fourth watch of the night,
he came toward them, walking on the sea.
When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified.
“It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear.
At once Jesus spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”
Matthew 14:22-36
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Doing Good Now

Life is often difficult and it can be complicated. We do not need to make it any more difficult nor any more complicated than it already is. There is an easy and simple way to do it. And Christ showed us how.

When people were sick and hurting, he simply healed them and made them whole again. He even raised some of them from the dead. When they were hungry and thirsty, He simply gave them food to eat, multiplying loaves into many and turning water into wine. When people were lost and did not know where to go nor what to do, He simply showed them the way. When they were confused or in the dark and did not know what to say, He simply showed them the truth and the light. And when they were deathly afraid of death, He simply said, “Do not be afraid.” and gave us eternal life.

When I can do someone some good, let me do it now and not wait for the right moment; because now is the right moment. When someone comes to me asking for help, let me not tarry giving it. What I have now is enough and let me share that now. When someone comes to me in distress, let me do what I can already do for waiting even just a while will not increase my capacity for help. Whatever good I can do, let me do it now.

Sing with joy to God our help.
~ Psalm 81
When Jesus heard of the death of John the Baptist,
he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.
The crowds heard of this and followed him on foot from their towns.
When he disembarked and saw the vast crowd,
his heart was moved with pity for them, and he cured their sick.
When it was evening, the disciples approached him and said,
“This is a deserted place and it is already late;
dismiss the crowds so that they can go to the villages
and buy food for themselves.”
He said to them, “There is no need for them to go away;
give them some food yourselves.”
But they said to him,
“Five loaves and two fish are all we have here.”
Then he said, “Bring them here to me,”
and he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass.
Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven,
he said the blessing, broke the loaves,
and gave them to the disciples,
who in turn gave them to the crowds.
They all ate and were satisfied,
and they picked up the fragments left over–
twelve wicker baskets full.
Those who ate were about five thousand men,
not counting women and children.
Matthew 14:13-21
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Questions

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Believing and following Christ would probably have been easier had I lived during His time on earth. I imagine myself crisscrossing the lake of Tiberias visiting the towns and villages of Galilee, to be with people or to get away from them. Or, walking the roads with Him on the way to Jerusalem or Bethany or Nazareth or Cana. If I were beset by any questions, I could just simply ask Him and He would right away give me the answer I seek.

But then again, this might be too simplistic a scenario because people during those times did indeed ask Jesus a lot of questions and there were many who still did not believe nor follow Him. In today’s Gospel, Christ is battered with questions by the people around Him.

Some of the questions were mundane, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”  I also often ask Him similarly mundane questions, like “How can I see you, Lord, in my daily life when what I do is very ordinary and routine, day in and day out?”

Some of the questions were tempting or even testing God, “What sign can you do, that we may see and believe in you? What can you do? In my own life, how many times have I asked for a sign from God that He is present by my side when all I have to do is to open my eyes and ears to see and to hear His presence.

Some of the questions were downright honest and appropriate, “What can we do to accomplish the works of God?”  There are also moments when this is my own question and seek an answer for in my prayers.

Faith without doubts or questions often lapses into intolerance and fundamentalism. To be human in fact is to be always full of questions. And the more questions I encounter and ask, the more I also realize that I am not only a material being but a spiritual being as well. I realize that getting the answers to my questions make me informed and knowledgeable. But it is the act of asking the questions itself that make me truly wise and truly human.

There are questions that challenge me intellectually, like why am I here? what is life? how did the universe come about? And with the power of my mind, I learn and acquire knowledge and information.

There are questions that evoke strong emotions in me, like what am I willing to do for a loved one? why is there so much suffering and pain in this world? what is my mission in all of this? With these emotions and listening to my heart, I learn that there are reasons that the heart knows that the mind does not understand nor realize.

There are questions that come from the guts and often very difficult to answer, like what is the reason that I would want to get up in the morning and face another day? If I had but a fraction of what I have now, would I still find meaning and purpose to my life?

I usually rely on my reason and emotions trying to arrive at answers. But I also often realize that as I mull some of these questions over and over again, somehow I know that deep in my innermost core, I already have the answers that I am seeking for.

The Lord gave them bread from heaven.
~ Pslam 78
When the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there,
they themselves got into boats and came to Capernaum looking for Jesus.
And when they found him across the sea they said to him,
“Rabbi, when did you get here?”
Jesus answered them and said, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
you are looking for me not because you saw signs
but because you ate the loaves and were filled.
Do not work for food that perishes
but for the food that endures for eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give you.
For on him the Father, God, has set his seal.”
So they said to him, “What can we do to accomplish the works of God?”
Jesus answered and said to them,
“This is the work of God, that you believe in the one he sent.”
So they said to him, “What sign can you do, that we may see and believe in you?
What can you do?  Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, as it is written:
He gave them bread from heaven to eat.”
So Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
it was not Moses who gave the bread from heaven;
my Father gives you the true bread from heaven.
For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven
and gives life to the world.”
So they said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life;
whoever comes to me will never hunger,
and whoever believes in me will never thirst.”
John 6:24-35
 
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Truth Can Be Fatal

Man, by nature, always desires to do what is good, to create and admire what is beautiful, and to proclaim and tell the truth. Often, it is the last one that many people have trouble with. Even the most depraved of men will try to do good given the the chance and opportunity. Even the poorest and most deprived will always see beauty in the meagerness and simplicity of their surroundings. But even the most upright would often be caught telling white lies.

Truth seems to be a rare commodity these days. it is often “twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools.” There are so many scams that would steal the lifetime savings of people with lies peddled as truth. There are leaders who would lie through their teeth just to keep themselves in power. There are business people who would dress up lies so attractively just to make a fast buck. And everyday, we seem to be fed with nothing but lies and half-truths by media.

In my life, what truth am I proclaiming? Do I do it with courage and consistency? Has the truth I have been proclaiming cause me any trouble? Or is my truth so bland and so innocuous that it is perfectly safe and harmless? If that is the case, maybe I have diluted my truth or reduced it to a half-truth?

The truth cost the Baptist his head. The Christ was crucified because of the truth He proclaimed, which is the love of God and the love of the neighbor. Gandhi and Mandela were imprisoned because they spoke the truth. Abraham, Martin, John and Ninoy were assassinated because of the truth they proclaimed. Telling the truth can indeed be risky business. But for a follower of Christ, there is no other way/

O God, let all the nations praise you!
~ Psalm 67
Now Herod had arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison
on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip,
for John had said to him,
“It is not lawful for you to have her.”
Although he wanted to kill him, he feared the people,
for they regarded him as a prophet.
But at a birthday celebration for Herod,
the daughter of Herodias performed a dance before the guests
and delighted Herod so much
that he swore to give her whatever she might ask for.
Prompted by her mother, she said,
“Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist.”
The king was distressed,
but because of his oaths and the guests who were present,
he ordered that it be given, and he had John beheaded in the prison.
His head was brought in on a platter and given to the girl,
who took it to her mother.
His disciples came and took away the corpse
and buried him; and they went and told Jesus.
Matthew 14:1-12
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