Down In The Dumps @ New Year

Amidst all the Christmas and New Year festivities this year, I have been feeling rather down in the dumps. There were disagreements and misunderstandings in the family that caused a lot of hurts among us. I am missing those who are not here with me. I miss the Christmas celebrations of last when we had two weddings in the family. Then there was a death in the family. There was a lot of pain both on the person who died and those left behind.

I am feeling kind of tired of trying and struggling. I try to give my best but it seems my best is not good enough. And at this moment, I feel I have no more to give. But still I am expected to. I will still try to. I am getting tired of loving and trying to make others happy. I love doing this when I do it because I love to. But I hate it when I do it because I have to. I am feeling selfish right now and thinking, “Hey how about receiving something in return for a change?”

A doctor-friend diagnosed me as a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). But I think this is a thing of the spirit. Someone is trying to tell me something. To be quiet and to listen. I know this will pass away, just as 2014 has passed away and just as 2015 will also pass away. Perhaps next year, I will look back to this morning and say with a smile, “It has made me a stronger and better person.

But for the moment, like Mary, I will keep all these things, reflecting them in my heart. Right now, I pray for healing that all the pain and hurts will go away, specially the ones I might have caused in others because of the mood I am in. If they won’t go away, I pray for courage and strength to bear them until they go away or I have developed the fortitude to bear them courageously. I pray for forgiveness that I can give it to those who have hurt me and that I can receive it from those I have hurt.

May God bless us in his mercy.
~ Psalm 67
The shepherds went in haste to Bethlehem and found Mary and Joseph,
and the infant lying in the manger.
When they saw this,
they made known the message
that had been told them about this child.
All who heard it were amazed
by what had been told them by the shepherds.
And Mary kept all these things,
reflecting on them in her heart.
Then the shepherds returned,
glorifying and praising God
for all they had heard and seen,
just as it had been told to them.
Luke 2:16-21
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