My greatest fear growing old is the coming of the day when I shall have outlived my usefulness and become a burden to others. I am beginning to miss the days when I was the go-to or the run-to person when others needed help or assistance or advice or people wanted things done and done correctly. Increasingly, I find myself in humbling and humiliating situations where I cause others pain and disappointment because I did something stupid or something ridiculous or something which a sane and thinking person would not have done. I hated it but for the first time I found myself crying in self-pity over such a situation yesterday.
I try to prepare myself for my passage and transition. I know that such things will eventually happen to one advancing in years. My prayers are not so much for myself to be spared the humbling and the humiliation but for the people I love to be spared of the burden, pain and disappointments. I know I am slowly shedding my old self, my old clothes and being clad in wedding robes. I am going to a wedding banquet. All my life I have been trying to respond to this invitation from the King to come to the banquet of His Son. When the time comes, I pray I am properly attired and welcomed warmly into the banquet.
“The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son. Then he said to his slaves, ‘The wedding is ready. Go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.’ Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both good and bad; so the wedding hall was filled with guests.”
Matthew 22:1-2, 8-14