Of late, I have been feeling weary and empty. When things stress me out, and even the smallest things seem to stress me out these days, I withdraw into my shell and try to shut out the world. Doing so, I come across as aloof and even apathetic. I am tired of giving, not knowing what or how to give anymore. I am tired of serving. Loving seems to take a lot of effort.
I am still hoping that something better is coming my way and that the best is yet to come. I am hoping that I can still give and contribute something worthwhile that others will appreciate. But given my feelings of weariness, I am looking for rest and something different from my daily grind. I can explore new possibilities and discover new things or re-create a new ‘me’ or reinvent myself. But these thoughts also are leading me to think more often about the next level.
Growing old is not easy. My energy is definitely less than what it used to be. My physical body is not as strong and resilient as it used to be. My patience has grown thin. My focus and ability to concentrate is growing less and less. Small things that did not bother me before can make me so unsettled these days. I try to perk myself up. Often, I am still successful. But there are moments when it just is not possible to pick myself up and move on.
I bring all these troubles and anxieties in prayer before Him who promised to give rest to all who labor and are burdened.
Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all my being, bless his holy name.
~ Psalm 103
Jesus said to the crowds:
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”