I often worry and get anxious when I think about tomorrow. I am not afraid to die but I am afraid of pain and suffering, specially if these will affect the people I love. At this stage in my life, I have greatly simplified my life. I can do with out so many things but I would hate my loved ones going without good food or decent clothes or comfortable shelter. In fact, I want them to live well. I worry get anxious that I cannot properly provide for them; that I will fall short in caring for them. I want to have more for their sake and also, in a way, for myself. Thus, I had needed to think about my attachments and my priorities. I needed to learn and practice detachment, specially from material things.
Life has never been meant to be certain. And yet, I am certainly here – alive. If I am living in my here and now, with no effort at all on my part to be here and alive, can I trust that the same power than brought me here will also be bring me through. I will fall and I will fail and I will lose my way. Can I believe that He will come and seek me out and not only keep me alive but bring me to an even fuller life? Can I really accept as fact that He who created the vast universe is personally interested in me and in what happens to me? That He only wants the best possible turn of events for me?
These are overwhelming thoughts. And nothing in a logical and rational world will explain why God will make such great effort to take personal care of me. And yet, nothing that has happened in my life can really be explained in seamless logic or irrefutable reasoning except that but for the grace of God go I. My feeble mind cannot comprehend what God has done or is doing for me. But my heart fully feels the love and goodness that has come my way.
Now all the tax-collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him. And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying, ‘This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.’ So he told them . . . . : “. . . . I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance.”
Luke 15:1-10