In my youth, I pursued one challenge after another, going from one opportunity to the next. And it had been one exhilarating ride. In the hustle and bustle of such frenetic energy, I thought I would eventually get the answers to the questions in my heart. There were many spirit moments in those years and I am grateful for them. But the questions remained unanswered for the most part, often turning into different shapes and forms like the designs in an ever-turning kaleidoscope: what am I doing here? am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? did I fill my world with love?
In my old age, I am done looking for and pursuing opportunities. I am reviewing my priorities instead and using the time remaining for me to pursue these instead. I think I had my priorities pretty clear in the past: family, service, God. But right now I am not too sure if I have lived my life according to these priorities or if these were indeed my priorities. I feel like the sick man by the pool at Beth-zatha waiting for someone to put me into the water, to show me the answers, to put my life in order for me. Wisdom supposedly comes with age. It seems to me more like mental lethargy for me. I pray for the Lord to tell me clearly and for me to hear and understand: “Stand up, take up your life and move.”
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me.” Jesus said to him, “Stand up, take your mat and walk.” At once the man was made well, and he took up his mat and began to walk.
John 5:1-16