A day after I wrote about the travails of aging, I literally descended into the hell of senescence. Old age has both its good side and bad. One of the blessings of old age is that the elderly have seen a lot of life and many things do not surprise them anymore. So, a senior is generally more patient, more understanding, gentler and kinder. One of the burdens of being old, on the other hand, a dotard often tends to be overly sensitive, prone to being hurt and slighted at the least provocation. That happened to me yesterday.
With one slight, which now looks so trivial, I unleashed a maelstrom of negative emotions and I felt myself literally descending into hell. I could feel all the bile welling up within me. The anger and resentment inside me just kept boiling and I just let the dam break. It felt like I was possessed by some demon or evil spirit. This was not me and yet there I was, even nursing these negative and dark emotions. It was a horrible experience. I have seen it happening in many other seniors. Now, I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I have not only harmed myself; I have also hurt people I loved.
And as I was there sitting on the floor trying to sort out what happened to me, I look outside my window and there on the tree outside is the first blush of color in early spring.
It is good for the health to unleash anger, but let us be careful of the consequences. Sorry, but I didn’t get it (maybe I’m slow 🙂 – what the first blush of color in early spring has to do with your outburst?
In the depths of my anger and the misery it caused in me, which blinded me to the goodness around me; there outside my window right before my eyes was the sign of hope and rebirth. Spring is coming.
Thanks again for your visit.
I’m a follower as I think you’re also a Filipina and interested in spiritual things.
We are indeed kindred spirits.