A day after I wrote about the travails of aging, I literally descended into the hell of senescence. Old age has both its good side and bad. One of the blessings of old age is that the elderly have seen a lot of life and many things do not surprise them anymore. So, a senior is generally more patient, more understanding, gentler and kinder. One of the burdens of being old, on the other hand, a dotard often tends to be overly sensitive, prone to being hurt and slighted at the least provocation. That happened to me yesterday.
With one slight, which now looks so trivial, I unleashed a maelstrom of negative emotions and I felt myself literally descending into hell. I could feel all the bile welling up within me. The anger and resentment inside me just kept boiling and I just let the dam break. It felt like I was possessed by some demon or evil spirit. This was not me and yet there I was, even nursing these negative and dark emotions. It was a horrible experience. I have seen it happening in many other seniors. Now, I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I have not only harmed myself; I have also hurt people I loved.
And as I was there sitting on the floor trying to sort out what happened to me, I look outside my window and there on the tree outside is the first blush of color in early spring.