Thinking of the End-time

As I approach the evening of my life, I often think of things people my age think about: what else? how will it end? when will it come? what would I be doing then? I sometimes think of my “final exam”: will I be among the good fish that will be put into buckets or will I be among the bad that will be thrown away? will I be among the the sheep or among the goats? will I be asked to step to the right side or the left side?

In my life, I have not been totally good. But I have not been totally bad either. I have tried to live a righteous life. I believe I often succeeded. But there were times, I failed and failed miserably. I have had many moments that I truly loved and generously served others. But there have been instances too that I have been totally selfish. Knowing that I am such a mixed bag of the good, the bad and even the ugly, I put myself totally in the hands of God’s love and mercy.

And as my coming days are now a lot less than the days that I have lived, I want to make every moment count. I do not dream of changing the world anymore. I do not dream of completing one grand project by which I will be long remembered. I do not even hope to go out with one big bang.

I just want to have just one more game to play with Jonathan and one more story to share with Jane that they will long remember and cherish long after I am gone. I just want one more tight embrace or a long phone conversation with some estranged or distant relative to relish one last time the joys of family. I just want one more walk or hike with friends in the mountains or by the waters and to delight in the wonders and wisdom in nature and her treasures. I just want one more quiet moment with Anabelle, holding hands, watching the sun set, not saying a word but simply reliving in our shared heartbeats all the joys and sorrows that we have lived through together. And if I can have several of these again before I go, then I shall have no regrets leaving.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord, mighty God! ~ Psalm 84
Jesus said to the disciples: “The Kingdom of heaven is like a net thrown into the sea, which collects fish of every kind. When it is full they haul it ashore and sit down to put what is good into buckets. What is bad they throw away. Thus it will be at the end of the age. The angels will go out and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.” “Do you understand all these things?” They answered, “Yes.” And he replied, “Then every scribe who has been instructed in the Kingdom of heaven is like the head of a household who brings from his storeroom both the new and the old.” When Jesus finished these parables, he went away from there. Matthew 13:47-53
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