A Dark Moment

How I miss my younger days when life was easy and uncomplicated.
I had but a handful of options then but I felt I could build a happy life.
And build a happy and meaningful life, I did.
Even when some options did not work,
I always knew there would be others that would open up for me.
Now, I have seen the full flowering of many of those options.
And I have had a full and happy life.
Along the way, things have gotten complicated.
I have tamed a lot of roses and now am responsible for so many things.
I have laid out and done so many things
and now there are so many loose ends to tie up.
And it is the same old story.
One comes to the end and there comes the unraveling of the complications,
the letting go of responsibilities,
the tying up of all the loose ends.
Sadness and fear mark these times.
I would hate major surprises or changes now that I am not as sprightly anymore.
I would not want to fall short in any of my responsibilities now that I am about to go.
I would not want any loose end to remain untied and leave regrets behind.
I know I have to put my trust in God but I feel so alone just now.
Is it possible that I lose in one moment of darkness
what I have spent a lifetime to bring into the light?
Can it happen that all the joys and meaningful moments I made and stored
be dashed in but a singular moment of doubt and depression?

The Lord will guard us, as a shepherd guards his flock.

But one of them, Caiaphas,who was high priest that year, said to them,
“You know nothing, nor do you consider that it is better for you
that one man should die instead of the people,
so that the whole nation may not perish.”
He did not say this on his own, but since he was high priest for that year,
he prophesied that Jesus was going to die for the nation,
and not only for the nation, but also to gather into one the dispersed children of God.
John 11:49-54

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