In the Gospel of John, Jesus took a very long time saying goodbye to his disciples. His Farewell discourse took all of four long chapters. I have never been good at saying goodbye myself. In fact, I hate goodbyes. I usually am content to let relationships just slip away with no real goodbyes or real closures, hoping most of the times I would just pick up from where we left off the last time.
I have never been much of an endings-person. I am good at beginnings. I love beginnings. I am inspired and fired up whenever there is a new project. In the company I was employed the longest, my superiors usually tapped me to begin new initiatives or to set up new departments or to initiate new functions in the organization.
I hate endings and saying goodbyes. In many instances, I simply moved on to something else rather than wind up or finish what I have started. Often, others who choose to stay reap the fruits of the initiatives I have started.
Now that I am nearing the end of my journey on earth, I am struggling against a life-time habit of not wanting things to come to an end. I am not sad nor troubles that the end is coming. I am concerned about playing my cards right or doing the rights things and not fumbling at the very last moment. I know and feel there are still many things to be said and many things yet to happen. This is exciting and I keep wondering how it is all going to end. Now that I have more time for being alone with God, I pray that I become more sensitive and open to the promptings of the Spirit of truth.
Jesus said, ‘I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth.”
John 16:12-15
Ah, but the ending is itself a new beginning. “When shall I enter and see the face of God?”
I am betting big on that new beginning.