Fears and Betrayals

I have made many mistakes in my life. I have made many wrong choices, took many wrong turns, often said and did the wrong things. Many times, I have been too timid or too afraid or just too plain lazy to have done or said the right thing. Even on my best days and with the best intentions, I have managed to stumble and fall.

And yet, it amazes me, my life has been full of blessings in spite of the miscues and the mistakes. My life could have been a mess but it is full of beautiful moments and memories. My life could have been dull and ordinary but there has hardly been a dull moment. It has been an exciting journey.

If the past is any indication of the future – and it should be – there are more and better things in store for me. There are moments of fear and anxiety, I anguish about what is yet to come and what still lies ahead. That perhaps at the last coda of my song or the last canto of my poem or the last episode of my story, I fumble and betray everything and everyone I have lived for. It is a scary thought. I am not afraid of the dark but sometimes I fear the coming of the night.

I will sing of your salvation.
~ Psalm 71

When he had left, Jesus said,
“Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him.
If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself,
and he will glorify him at once.
My children, I will be with you only a little while longer.
You will look for me, and as I told the Jews,
‘Where I go you cannot come,’ so now I say it to you.”

Simon Peter said to him, “Master, where are you going?”
Jesus answered him,
“Where I am going, you cannot follow me now,
though you will follow later.”
Peter said to him,
“Master, why can I not follow you now?
I will lay down my life for you.”
Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me?
Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow
before you deny me three times.”
John 13:31-33, 36-38

This entry was posted in Discipleship, Faith, Presence and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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