The Pain of Believing

I am sad and my soul grows weary when I read about the fighting in Zamboanga: the senselessness of it all, children being used as human shields, thousands being thrown out of their homes, our leaders scrambling, confused and confounded rather than determined and single-minded, to put the rebellion down. Ah our leaders! I get even sadder and my souls grows even wearier when I think of how they having been duping and stealing from the people they have sworn to serve. How can they filch billions for themselves when there are millions of us who go to bed hungry every night, with no shelter over their heads and threadbare clothes as flimsy protection against the elements? Where is the God of Justice who will serve them their just deserts?

I am bewildered and confused as I watch the events unfold in Syria where a despotic leader thinks nothing of killing his own people. And yet, I am fearful for the Christian minorities who cower in fear should the rebels win for that would mean even more hardships and more bitter persecutions against them. Where is the God of Love and Peace who promised the lions will graze with the lambs?

Why is there more bad news than good news in what we see and read? Where is the news about the thousands of Gawad Kalinga volunteers who are changing lives and communities, house by house and family by family? Where is the news about my many friends who are engaged in development work helping build institutions, create systems and putting up infrastructures to help the poor? Why is the Pope’s voice and cry for justice, peace and love often drowned out by shouts of anger and hatred calling for war and revenge?

Life is fragile and it is made even more so by the greed, selfishness and anger of men. I keep praying and hoping for eternal life, as promised by Christ. There are times I fear I am hoping and praying in vain. For what happens in the world is also happening within me. I want peace, love and justice to rule my life. But I often give in to greed, selfishness, anger and hating. After all these years, I have changed and yet have remained the same.

‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.’
John 3:13-17

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