God’s call to me during the season of Lent is for repentance, to turn away from my sinful ways and bear good fruits in the Lord. For often I know that what I am doing is displeasing in God’s sight but I do it anyway. Just because Jesus has redeemed me, I think I can do just about anything I wish to do. Just because my God is an all-loving and all-forgiving God, I think I will always receive his mercy and forgiveness. Just as I struggle to find the right path in my life, I also keep on searching for God, often unsure if what I know and understand of him is even correct.
I know my God has loved me first and his love for me is unconditional. But I also know him to be the God of justice and judgement. I know he has given me life and all the good things that come with it, totally unmerited on my part. But I also know that he expects me to bear good fruits and share this goodness with others. I know he desires nothing for me but everlasting joy and happiness but at the same time he asks to carry my cross daily. In his infinite greatness, it is possible for God to be all of these things, often conflicting and contradictory, at the same time. But often my feeble mind is hard put trying to comprehend and understand all of these.
My understanding of God is like a bottle of murky water just stirred up and shaken. The water is brown ans all sorts of debris is floating around. But in the stillness and the silence, the dirt settles down to the bottom. In time, the water clears up. This is prayer in my life. in the stillness and the silence, I let the murkiness in my life settle down to the bottom and let the clarity come forth. Still, I see but a poor reflection of the glory that has been promised me. As St. Paul has written, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”
He asked them, ‘Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them-do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did.’
Luke 13:1-9