Joel is a good friend.
His was a life most people could only imagine in their wildest dreams.
He was a respected doctor, having come from a family of doctors and married to one.
He was a smart, not a shrewd, and successful business person.
He and his wife are blessed with three sons.
Then, his second son was diagnosed with brain cancer.
His world came crushing down.
But he is not crushed.
He becomes a better and stronger person.
A more loving an caring father.
The son rises up from his cancer.
And he is given a new and better life.
They are blessed by your presence in their lives.
And that makes all the difference.
I dreamt of going to a Jesuit seminary.
I was not allowed to.
On the night I received the news,
I tossed in my sleep unable to sleep.
I kept asking why.
I felt sad and lonely.
But I was not alone for I felt You were with me.
And now looking back,
I would not have it any other way
that the way where You have led me.
I dreamt of changing the Philippine Church.
I joined a quixotic group out to change the way
seminarians are prepared for the priesthood.
Martial law is declared and our dreams are dashed.
Most of us were on the wanted list of the military.
I wake up one night in tears and in fear of the future.
I was despondent and broken.
But I was not alone.
You were there through Fr. Abe.
And You again led me to a path
I would gladly take again were I to live my life all over.
I dreamt of changing an organization.
Instead I was fired from the job.
I dreamt of leading an institution.
Instead I was hunted to the side.
I dreamt of changing people’s lives.
Instead I realized my greatest challenge was changing myself.
I was too engrossed with the Transfiguration,
Calvary just crept up on me.
I am nearing to the time when I will say
“It is finished.”
I only pray that I stay and abide in Your presence.
Often these days, I feel like letting go
of the things that have kept me close to You.
I sometimes think that You do not care
or that You are not even there.
And yet there is that thirst and hunger in me
that can only be slaked and satisfied by Your presence in my life.
Keep me strong and faithful till the end.
Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.
After this, aware that everything was now finished,
in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled,
Jesus said, “I thirst.”
There was a vessel filled with common wine.
So they put a sponge soaked in wine on a sprig of hyssop
and put it up to his mouth.
When Jesus had taken the wine, he said,
“It is finished.”
And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit.
John 19:25-30